no matter what you think you know about the side effects of chemo, unless you have seen it first hand or been through it yourself, you have no idea. i have paid close attention to what all of the doctors told us to expect. i have done my own research, reading almost everything i can find. i thought i would be prepared for what she would go through after her first round of treatment was over... not even close.
the past 36 hours have been the very definition of misery for ellen. she goes through spells of extreme overheating, then chills. she has been vomiting consistently since about 4 pm yesterday. she hasn't eaten in a week so, without being too graphic, there isn't much coming up except bile. the act is excruciating to watch and i can't imagine what it is like to experience first hand.
she has been restless to the point that neither of us have slept for 2 days. the doctors are hesitant to sedate her anymore, but she has been so confused, they are giving her an mri tonight to rule out a spread to the brain.
the fluid draining from her lung has slowed considerably but the fluid in her abdomen has slowly reaccumulated. they are considering a semi-permanent tap so that she will be able to relieve the pressure on her own. the chest tube should come out tomorrow.
the more i think about this and reread it, the more i realize that there are no words that come close to describing what she is going through.
please keep thinking about her praying for her.
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40 comments:
Ellen and Ryan,
Hardly a minute has gone by today that I am not thinking of you. My heart goes out to you. I cannot even imagine the ordeal you are suffering. I pray for you to receive that bit of good news, that relief from the pain, that glimmer of hope that will help you both get through this. Your support system is powerful, judging by your blog,the prayers are numerous, the love is very apparent.
Jan K.
Im constantly thinking about and praying for you two. Greek prayers are the same right? : )
Thank you SO much again for these updates Ryan, try to get some rest...
love you both! xoxo
Alexa
Ellen & Ryan-
You two have been through so much. I cannot comprehend what Ellen is going through let alone you going through it with her. There are so many prayers winding their way to God's ears. You will get through this. Thoughts and prayers
Debbe
Ryan and Ellen, We have been so worried, and rightfully so. Praying that the worst is coming to an end and that you will begin to see things improve little by little. Very sorry to hear how hard the last days have been. Love, Aunt Connie and the fam
Ellen and Ryan,
You bring tears to my eyes as I read your comments but I know one day they will be tears of joy that Ellen has beat the cancer. Please keep staying positive and we promise to keep you in all our prayers.
Love,
Gina, Jared and Vincenzo
Our prayers continue as you try to make sense of the insensible, to conquer the unseeable. The battles you are engaged in are outside the norm for most of us...no words can reassure what we cannot understand. Your blog has opened eyes that had no prior experience to the ordeal of devastating cancer. Hopefully the setbacks and trials will forge a stronger bond for all who are touched by Ellen's illness.
Thank the Lord and the doctors for the little miracles that occur during the process.
xoas
We are thinking of you every single hour and praying that "this too shall pass". Ryan, you are a strong man - hang in there. Your girl will be ok in the end. She has to be, she's Ellen. Love, Nate, Sommer, & Bella Bradds
Ryan you are the definition of love and Ellen you are the definition of bravery. Together you are a force of strength that cannot be broken down. xoxo christy
Ryan....not at all what I wanted to hear....I just don't know what to say or do, I wish I could take some of the suffering away that she has....you too. I will keep praying for both of you. You are so wonderful to take care of her the way you are. Take care of her and know we are all praying for Ellen to hurry and kick the cancer.
My love to both of you,
Jo Ann
Can't begin to imagine what you two are dealing with. We continue to pray that good news will come soon. Hang in there- I know things will begin to change for the positive. Our prayers are with you.
Barb Deuble
Thanks so much for the blog account. Our thoughts and prayers that God's grace of strength and guidance are with you both daily as you make sense of this. Wishing you peace, courage, and strength as you face one day at a time. Stay Strong !!!!!!! Love Aunt Nancy
Thank you, Ryan, for your candid and heartfelt comments. Your love and caring for Ellen come through so strongly in your reports.
Ellen, Jim and I think of you daily and hope that you will soon have relief from some of these procedures. Your incredible strength and continuing positive attitude are so admired by everyone who hears of your struggles.
We will read the blog daily and Jim will be in constant contact with your dad. Our best..... Jim and Libby Blake
We can and shall do what you are asking - thinking and praying for both of you. Our part is of this is easy, and even with your blog, we can't imagine what you're are going through there. Please stay strong and stay positive.
All our love,
Aunt Susan & Uncle Ed
There is nothing I can say that will relieve your pain, but please know that I am praying for both of you .
LOVE
AUNT DEBBY
Ryan and Ellen. Your hope and faith in God will prevail. Ryan, you are Ellens Angel. Your strength is amazing and will pay off. You guy's are in my thoughts and prays constantly. I ask everyone I know to pray for Ellens recovery, and I believe that God answers our prayers. I know you guy's aren't going to give up. I admire you both. My love and prayers to you both.
Ami
well, if ellen is feeling so crappy- think about all those cancer cells!!! hopefully they realize they have messed with the wrong woman, and are dying off at a rapid pace! That thought gives me a little comfort- maybe it will cheer you up too! hoping ellen feels good enough to eat a frosty soon!
brunner and maurer
My Hearts breaks. To see someone you love so so strong, yet so vulnerable. So brave yet so afraid changes the meaning of the words. It changes you. You are the definiton of a husband ryan and I am so proud of you. My mom sends her love, she said she knows and feels your pain. We love you
BE BRAVE... BE STRONG...
Darby
Ellen and Ryan,
We are praying for you to find strength in each other and we are asking God to heal Ellen.
Bernie and Joe
Ryan,
Keep doing what you are doing! Thinking of you both lots. Hoping that as bad as she feels now (and you too), there are better feelings on the way. Things often get worse before they get better.
You are both always in my thoughts and prayers,
Lots of love coming your way-Jen
Ellen and Ryan,
Reading your blog today was so difficult - but I can't begin to imagine what you're going through.
You are in our thoughts constantly and each time we think of you we pray.
You are also on the prayer chain at our church (The Chapel) and we are praying for God's healing and peace.
How loved you are.
coni
Ell and Ryan,
Ryan I knew the day Ellen met you she had found her match. You are very strong and dedicated to her and she will pull through.
I know I can't begin to understand what she is going through other than witnessing my grandmother go through this. It is very hard to watch someone you love feel this way. Keep her head up and hang in there, she will get through this! Get some rest.
Kelly and Doug
Ellen and Ryan,
We can only try to imagine how challenging and what a difficult chapter in your life this has been for the two of you. Ellen is demostrating a lot of courage and is definitely showing how she is going to beat this horrific disease. We have been thinking of the two of you constantly and truly believe that both of you will hear news that Ellen has won the battle. God works in mysterious ways and we are confident he is looking over Ellen to make certain she comes out on top.
Love,
Krickett and Dave
Ellen & Ryan,
My thoughts, my heart, my prayers.....are with you.
Stay strong, stay positive.......
God is with you.
Hugs,
Patty Fugate
Ryan-
I am praying that both you and Ellen are getting rest tonight. And I am praying the Lord continues to give you the strength you need to endure this process with Ellen. It is such a blessing to know that you are there with her. I remember my mom going through some of this, it is not fun to see a love one have to deal with this. I hope when we see you this weekend, it will give you some time of rest. Please tell Ellen I love her. See you soon!
Psalm 77
Natalie Cressy
Ellen and Ryan-
Know that you are constently in our hearts and prayers and that you are loved.
Stay strong.
Jim E.
Ryan, thank you so much for the updates. I can't even imagine what she is going through and you by her side. I am keeping you both in my prayers and hope you both come home soon.
Miss you Ellen - Jennifer M.
Dear Ryan and Ellen,
Paul and I will continue to keep you both in our prayers. I pray today is a day of encouragement, and peace. Let us know if we can help in any way.
Love,
Paul and Fredda Work
Ellen and Ryan,
We are always thinking about you and praying for you. We are excited to see you soon. If there is anything we can do to help, please let us know.
Love, Tara & Kelly
Ryan and Ellen,
I haven't had the pleasure of meeting either of you, but have been the cat sitter for Bella a couple of times for your mom,Suzy.
I also keep tabs on you from my friends Christy R and debbe G. You are in my prayers each day.Know that the Lutherans are praying for you daily, you are on
our prayer list. I hear you have
a cat named ,Nugent, I have some cats as well,Basil,Gracie,Nigel,
Izzy, Luther, and Linus all send their prayers to Saint Francis, along with their canine friends,Ollie, Stan,Sam,Gunnar and
Gus. We all wish you peace, rest,
and recovery. I lift you up daily
in prayer and will continue to do
so.Denise Nims
Ellen & Ryan,
I am praying for strength and peace for you both. I wish I could be there to see you Ellen. You have become such a good friend over the last year and I am really missing you. I wish I could ease your pain and discomfort in some way. I know this is the hardest thing you have ever done...stay strong and fight all you can.
Love,
Hilary
I can't believe that the two of you have to go through this. Your strenght is immeasurable. Stay strong, and know that all of us are there with you, fighting and praying in spirit (and some of us will be soon in person also).
Ryan, what is the schedule for treatment now - is it still 6 days on, then two weeks off? If so, I hope Ell (and you) will be getting some much needed rest soon.
All my love,
Amina
He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly. ~B.C. Forbes
Ellen, you are in my prayers and I'm thinking of you all the time.
<3 Sarah
“When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: Give up or fight like hell!”
- Lance Armstrong
Both of you keep fighting and know that we are all out here praying every day and sometimes every minute for you! Love you both!
love always, Ashley
Ryan and Ellen,
Who would think that my little cousin would grow up to be the picture of bravery, love and strength that you are. You and Ellen are an inspiration to all of us..so proud to be related to both of you. It sounds too horrible for words, but hopefully the worst is coming to an end and there will soon be signs that the two of you together are kicking some cancer butt! Stay strong...I think the 2 of you together can do anything.
We love you, Holly, Rich, Saw & Scarlett
We are all thinking of the two of you constantly! Stay strong through this challenging time. Please know that we are praying for you!
Much love-
The Kase Girls
Ryan,
Ellen is my rep for GDK. Please know that I know first hand what YOU are going thru adn my heart breaks for both of you. I am praying for her and hope for a miracle. God Bless you Both
I know how difficult writing these bogs are for you Ryan. Ellen is blessed to have such a sensitive, loving husband. Rick and I, as thousands of others, are praying for Ellen and for you every day. We are praying that God ease her pain and help her to regain the strength she needs to keep fighting. Ryan, try to get some sleep!!! Cathy D
Ellen and Ryan,
There are no words to describe the anguish all of you are going through right now, especially dear Ellen. Please know that so many people are thinking of Ellen and praying for her and for all of you.
Love,
Sharon (Christy's sister)
Both of you keep being strong. The outpouring of love and support says a lot about the people you two are, and the belief that everyone has in the both of you. You clearly are not alone in this battle. Christine and I continue to pray and think of you constantly. And we look forward to the day when we can all hang out, get caught up and perhaps play some cornhole. "Shhhhhhh, skybag"
Love,
Brad and Christine
Ellen & Ryan,
Kylene has told me how strong you have been through all of this and our prayers continue to be sent your way! I hope you are able to rest and feel better.
Your family is strong and close and I know you will all be there for each other!
Sincerely,
Lauren Mahan (friend of Kylene and Todd's)
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