hi everyone,
sorry for no post yesterday. that was unlike us however i was extremely sick. so much so ryan was supposed to leave to go back to north canton but did not leave. my mom arrived yesterday so she was here but i wasn't in a condition for ryan to leave. i felt worse to because i couldn't keep water down so i was really dehydrated. we left a message last night for my doctor and they called this morning. my pa said that it was most likely from treatment, or anxiety or a touch of the flu that someone brought into the loft (since i never leave this place)! whatever it was...i don't want to feel like that again! (well i guess until treatment i should say when i'm in the hospital).
my hair is almost completely gone. it is really thin on top and now it just comes out in clumps. i can honestly say i get a little nausea when it comes out like that but i'm not upset it is gone. i can deal with hats and wigs, etc. i just don't like watching it come out like that! i'm sure it will be all gone in the next couple of days. my only problem i just realized... i have no wig and no scarves/hats. i'm going to have to send my mom out looking!
the biggest news that was decided today (probably due to yesterday's mess)...Ryan will NOT be returning to school and teaching at Stark State this semester. Ryan and I have been toying with the idea of him going home or staying here but finally decided last week it was best he goes back. he received a call from his advisor that he was going to teach 3 graphic design classes and things were headed in the direction he wanted. so...he was all ready to go yesterday to be back for a meeting tonight and we both looked at each other and thought why??? why are we going to put separation between us while i am fighting for my life??
i was having a really difficult time with him leaving. i kept trying to figure out how i was going to make it through 2-4 more rounds of treatment in the hospital without him by my side. i was so fearful i would give up one of those days because he wasn't by my side. (now to my parents...i love you and know you can take care of me!) there is just something about your husband being by your side. he has taken care of me this entire time and i just wasn't really sure how to continue without him here everyday. he is my rock!
so this afternoon, an hour before he left to go back to north canton to finish up some work from his summer classes and go to some professor meetings for the new semester we decided he would NOT go back this semester. i feel so calm now and know we made the right decision! we have the ability to do this now so we think it's best we remain together. school and teaching will be there next semester waiting for him and then i will hopefully be healthy again. that is what is important right now...my health. i strongly believe that it is easier to give up when you don't have your loved one by your side. we have been headed in the right direction and there is no reason to take a chance my health could change due to ryan not being here.
so we will remain down in durham until the day i am finished and the cancer is out of my body. right now it looks like we will be here until middle/end of october. i couldn't even imagine trying to do this without him here and just seeing him on weekends. so i got want i wanted in the end (don't i always haha:) I have my husband, my rock back by my side at the end of this week.
well i should say if i can break him away from DR. once he gets home and those two start talking about the yard wars, etc. i may not see him again:) ryan is particular about his yard. he talks about it while we are here so now that he is going home and will be right there with it who knows what will happen:) i know christy will force ryan into the car though, right christy!
oh and how can i forget, ryan will run out of there because he will be so mad at our cat, nugent who we found out the other night from dr and christy has apparently taken up peeing in ryan's study. he thinks it's a huge litter box and available for his use. so ryan is going to be ripping up carpet (another home improvement we will have when we get back in town). hopefully with the carpet gone he will stop using it as a litter box but not find another carpeted room to use in it's place. i can see the dollar signs:)
so everyone that is our update for now. i was also wondering who was going to write the medical updates while ryan was not around! there may not have been a blog:) however, for those that have been asking...ryan does plan on getting our website for an artful life, llc up and running soon now that he will have a ton of spare time (besides helping me). so i hope that is done sooner rather than later! we will let you know when it's ready.
keep the prayers and good thoughts coming my way! i still need a ton of them!
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25 comments:
Ellen and Ryan,
I think you two made a smart decision about Ryan being with you. After watching him the short time I was visiting, I cannot imagine him going home and coming back on the weekends only.
I am going to try to get out tonight to run some errands, and will keep an eye out for some pretty scarves.
The weather here is pretty dreary, and it has rained almost all day. So we packed up and came home from the lake. At home we are in a flood watch. Marcus found out that he is going to have Miss White in the purple room, and Tristan did his summer reading paper. Maddie is ready for the teacher list to go up at Orchard Hill. I get to go back to Middle School tomorrow for orientation with TJ, and that should be loads of fun!
Hope you are feeling much better today. I am hoping the longer post indicates that you are having a better day than yesterday.
Sending you positive energy- at least the rain should be good for the lawn!
Jen
Hey Pretty Girl,
I also think you made a very smart choice, I would want Tom at my side also, they are our rock and that is where Ryan wants to be at your side. Think happy thoughts and soon this will be over and you will be home watching Ryan & DR take care of the lawns. Tom said to say Hi!!!
Take care of yourself;tell Ryan and your Mom I ssid Hi!!!
Love ya,
Jo Ann
okay, so i just typed a ginormous message to you and when i tried to publish it there was a "server error" and i lost the whole flipping thing!!
well, i will summarize by comment...i complained about the weather (had to order pizza today at GDK and put it on my credit card because i had no money and forgot my atm card!)
gwenyth just came down from taking a shower and was crying because she tried to put on a nightgown that was too small...in the process of either putting it on or trying to get it off she somehow manage to bite herself on her upper arm and there was a big bruise forming. of course i started laughing because honestly, it's pretty funny! i mean, how the heck do you bite your self while changing? needless to say she freaked out because i laughed. we just iced it...i think she is going to make it.
i'm glad ryan is staying with you. i would want the same thing! it is awesome that you guys can make the decision to do that.
dan will hold down stark state till ryan gets back! he is there now for a meeting.
hang in there ellen! you are very brave and have endured so much already. we are all continuing to pray for you and anxiously await for your return home!
lots of love!
hilary
HI Ryan and Ellen,
How wise the two of you are making the decision about
Ryan's leaving. You would both be sick if he were not there with you. Now, Ellen, this advice may sound harsh, but it is not intended to. I cut hair all day long for a living. If you have access to a pair of hair clippers, and you have someone there who will shave your remaining hair, it is a great "in charge" thing to do. You know you are going to loose the hair, and that is not the problem, the problem is the waiting game. Once you get rid of it, you can move on to the next challenge, which is getting better and stronger. I continue to keep you and Ryan both in my prayers.
Love, Fredda
Hi Ellen,
Well I typed & real nice letter-at least I thought it was nice & lost it when I went to send it!!
What I wanted to say is that I read your letters every day & I was missing & worrying about not seeing one for Sunday.
If it was the flu you had- I had it one day last week. Not a day I would like to repeat. But I was no where near Durham so I wasn't the one who gave you the nasty germs!
Sounds like a wise decision to have Ryan there to give you strength & support. You two are one great team!
If your mom is going shopping for some scarves for you, I know she'll be picking some stylin' ones for you.
Love & Prayers
Susan Looman
Hugs to you, Ryan & Susie
Hello, Ellen. That was a lovely and touching blog you wrote- I actually got tears from this one. I admire your ability to be so direct, insightful, and open- you have grown into such an wonderful young woman. And Ryan your rock- what a gem (no pun intended!).
I don't think you can possibly comprehend from your perch in the loft in NC how MANY people you have touched and the DEPTH to which you have touched them . Chris Wells was in my office today at Hoover and we are just amazed by the number of people following your life and the intensity with which they care.
Blessings and much love to you both,
Margie
I have checked your blog several times and knew there was a good reason if there wasn't one posted. When I read it it also brought tears to my eyes.
You and Ryan absolutely made the right decision-you are truly wiser than your years.
I read the comment from your friend Margie Blake which she just posted and she said it all. You both are amazing people.
Stay strong and positive and lean on each other.
Sending love, thoughts and prayers your way.
You have made the right decision.
Yesterday in church, Pastor Bennett, message about marriage, said, "Nothing else matters in our lives BUT the relationship bwtn husband & wife and your relationship with God, (individually and together as a couple). You were not present in church, but obviousily God's message made it right into your loft. You made the right decision in God's eyes!
Together you will conquer this! Keep the Faith!
Laurie & Matt
Hi Ellen, So sorry to hear that you were feeling sick lately. hope by now, you feel much better. Keep up the good attitude about your hair, it is such a small setback in the scheme of things, and you really have your priorities straight. You are so right about there being other times for Ryan's classes and teaching. Your health is number one now, and you are doing all you can to take care of yourself physically and mentally and spiritually. You are a role model for many. You and those close to you continue to be in daily prayers. Love, Aunt Connie
Ell and Ryan:
So glad to see a post today! I was checking all day yesterday and today to read the "daily news" and was waiting for a new one to be put up. It is amazing Ell, everyone who loves and supports you is waiting for good news everyday!
Of course I always have to read DR's posts and I must say, they never disappoint! the wood pecker may be the top of his stories, as they always leave you wanting to read more and more. please don't let christy stop him from writing because I know the stories must put a smile on your faces everyday.
Glad to hear your mother is back and that you have decided to have Ryan stay with you for the duration. I am sure his work will be understanding for this situation...I was thinking about him leaving yesterday (as planned) and was hoping for a miracle so he could stay by your side. From visiting you guys two weeks ago, I see he really is the rock that keeps you going. He is a wonderful person and he truly loves and cares for you. For those who have not witnessed his presence through this, he truly is caring for and loving for Ellen every moment of the day, everyday.
Hope you are feeling better today and from the post it seems like you are. There will be rough days and you are doing great getting through them.
Sorry to hear that your hair isn't as full as you would like, but that is the least of the worries...you are beautiful with or without! Just get better and get through these upcoming weeks. Hoping and praying for you to be healthy very soon. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do and please know I am thinking of you always...
love
Kelly Dragoiu
Ellen and Ryan. Still amazing. I'm glad you're staying Ryan. You both sound relieved. What Peace of Mind. Ellen,You are a very trendy, cute girl, so it will be fun to pick out a cool scarf for you. You'll probly get a thous of them, but, you'll find trendy ways to wear them when you get better and I bet you can even decorate w/them.
I think about and pray for you all the time and promise that I will not stop believing you are going to have the best outcome.. God will answer your prayers.
Hey Ryan, from all us wives out there, thank you for being what might possibly be , "the best husband and friend in the world" to your wife. Plz Send my love to Suzy.
With Love, Ami
Hi Ellen,
What a good decision to continue to have Ryan by your side. Your mom and I talked on Saturday about how difficult it would be for you without him so I'm glad you two made such a good choice!!!
Your mom will be great in picking out scarves and hats for you! Just don't let her get toooooo funky! haha
Sending you more positive energy and many prayers. Let the angels watch over you!
Love always,
Marcia
Ell and Ryan,
One more thing...we are here in Florida bracing for news of the intense Hurricane Dean. Not sure if you are following, most likely not unless you live in Florida, Texas or other surrounding areas but it is gaining in intensity. If there is a hit anywhere in the US (hopefully not Florida!!!) I will more than likely be deployed for catastrophe duty. If so, I can be gone for up to 3 months at a time. These things can be very scary not only for those who are directly affected, but even scary for those of us who have to witness the devastation first hand and help these people put their lives back together. Just a side note and I will keep you posted...
kelly dragoiu
Ellen & Ryan,
Missed hearing from you 2 yesterday - sorry to hear about your awful day yesterday. While our day at the MSF was not like yours, it was doom & gloomy with all the rain, dampness, etc. We spent the better part of the day closing down the MSF vs. enjoying the whole day & doing clean-up at the end of the day. While Saturday's crowd seemed large & some vendors felt they had done better than other Saturday's, the bad Sunday ended not on a positve note. And of course the Rep. show photos from Sunday vs. the large Saturday crowd - oh well.
Some heavy decision making on your behalf - you are right - there is something said to have your spouse by your side. There will be plenty of time later on to make pursue careers after you & Ryan conqueor this cancer. One does not need to leave the door open for should of, could of, would of, etc. Family, friends, & neighbors will be there to support you.
My wife knew I was writing to you & she commented on your artwork - we both admired your work- may it be successful for you! With humor; when I heard what JoAnn might of thought of me (tho she was WRONG) - oh boy, with you & her being close - what kind of artwork would come about if you had to express yourself about me -haha!
Get your strength back & may you have peace in your mind as it gives us peace knowing you are are at peace.
We look forward to your writings.
Take care,
Barry K.
Just a quick note! When you are bored, you can think of some different art media using all the scarves when you are home and better!
Jen
Ah... that warms my heart knowing the two of you are going to be in this (physically) together! YAY. I know your parents are amazing, but I also understand about your hubby being "your rock". I know Ryan needs to be with you as much as you need to be with him, too.
Good to hear. Not good to hear that you caught a bug... or are making yourself sick with worry. You can do this, Ellen. You can.
Hair... who needs it? I spend way too much of my life obsessing over how "greasy, flat, frizzy, dirty, needing highlighting, short, long, full, and/or wavy" it is... maybe you are on the right track with using beautiful scarves and hats to express yourself, not a dull ponytail (me) everyday! I know you are gorgeous, El.
Well, Bella learned how to blow bubbles today. She makes them with her spit and they go down her chin. She actually belly laughs until she gets the hiccups. It's so cute. I love 4 months... cool age. Everything is a cool experience for them. Even eating green beans causes smiles to erupt. :)
I LOVE YOU. Hug each other for me. Love, Sommer
Ellen -
I was disappointed to see a day missed on your blog - how selfish can we get??!!! But now I understand - hope today finds you feeling better than the day before. Am glad Ryan will be staying with you; can't imagine how that first plan would have worked for either of you. I am back at GDK after 12 days in Texas with my 4 grandsons (now thats enough to make you tear your hair out!). Of course nothing here has changed. No surpirse there! My prayers for you continue. Chin up!!
Kathy
Ellen & Ryan,
Ellen, so sorry to hear that you were feeling so badly........the
flu is going around. Valerie starts
back to school this week and still
is feeling quezzy from last week
with it......... And don't worry
about your hair..........you're going to look adorable in a new
doooo..........your mom did!
Suzy.........I'm so sorry that we
didn't get to talk......I tried to
reach you, but no recorder...I
understand..........just call when
you have the chance.....we all miss
you!
Ryan.............right decision!
Be together, be strong. Trust
the Lord, he'll get you thru this!
Love, prayers and strength to ALL
of you!
Patty
Ellen,
I'm glad to hear Ryan will be staying by your side. It's the right decision as I can't imagine either of you being apart from each other during this time. I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day Sunday hopefully you're feeling better now. You both are in our thoughts and prayers. Please give our love to your mom.
Love, Krickett & Dave
Ellen,
How great that Ryan can stay with you. We are all so accustomed to our fast track lives that we forget we have choices, and it is hard for us to step off that track - but there isn't anything that cannot be postponed! Take care you two.
JanK
I'm sure you made the right decision....you and Ryan are obviously a great team at this time. Work will always be waiting!
Rainy, rainy....but that doesn't lessen the sunny thoughts for you both. I hope you are going to have a good few days before going back to the hospital. And the hair...just think of it as a time-saver!
Know you are in the thoughts and prayers of so many....some of whom you don't even know.
Take care....both of you...
Debbie G.
The bracelets are AWESOME! Thank you!!!! Love, Nate, Sommer, & Bella Bradds
Ellen; I am sure you both have some piece of mind now that the decision has been made for Ryan to stay. I know it was hard for both of you. You wanted him to be able to carry on with what he needed to do and he, in his heart, knew that he could not be away from you. When someone is going through what you have been, family and friends are the most important thing. You want to be with the ones you love and care about. They are your rocks. Ryan will always have the opportunities to teach. He is bright and such an asset to anyone that hires him. They certainly understand that he needs to be there with you. When Rick interviews people for jobs at Diebold, he always appreciates when someone says that their family comes first. That is how it should be. You give each other strength when the other one needs it. It just kind of works out that way. You are fortunate to have the family support and the thousands of friends that care and that are praying for you every day. Hope your nausea stops and that you will start to be able to eat again and get some more strength for the next round. Ryan.......what a guy you are! Bless you. Love, Cathy D
Ellen & Ryan,
That is awesome that Ryan will be by your side. Many things just aren't as important when the one you love needs you! Please don't be too mad at Nugent, your kitty just misses you guys and that is how he/she is reacting. (can you tell I am a cat lover!)We are praying and thinking about you both! sincerely, louann smith&fam
Hi Ellen;
This is Ron Varn, Hoover Band Director. I am not sure you remember me, but you were so kind to me last year and I just got word from Jan Kotila that you battling cancer. I am so sorry to hear that and I am so happy that you have such a wonderful husband to help you through the treatments. My wife, Ellen, and I will be praying for you and thinking of you and your husband.
God Bless,
Ron Varn
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